Kakashi's Secret
by Ryosami
Summary: Lots of brief fakeyaoi, a smooch or two, Kakashi's intentions, Sasuke's smarts, Naruto's typical stupidity, and stir Sakura into the mix...and, oh yeah. Lots of fainting. Oneshot!


AN : Let me make this clear. I don't really support the Naruto and Sasuke pairing, and this is not meant to be a yaoi fic. It's just for laughs, and I hope you will get a few in the next little while.

Warning : Swearing and situations that the characters are placed in may offend some viewers. Discretion advised!

-

All she knew was that she was at the edge of a small forest, with many bushes surrounding her.

Sakura rummaged through her bag with hast and desperation. Frustration could've fumed out of her ears in the form of pink steam.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE MY BINOCULARS!"

She yelled.

However, though such was what she wished to do, such did not happen.

Because if she yelled, she would be noticed.

If she is noticed, readers of Naruto will find that she is a stalk-

Yeah, we already know that.

If she is noticed, she would die by the hands of Sasuke who is the victim, as her target.

Actually…

That won't be so bad.

'_Finally!_' Sakura beamed as she pulled out the device. Almost instantly, she held it up to her eyes to find the most beautiful image await her…

A black screen.

"ARGH." With more frustration she took off the caps and finally started her stalking/spying spree.

A grin slowly spread her face as she caught the brief glimpse of Sasuke, alone as he always was, with that same look he always held on his face showing of no expression…so on and so forth…ahhh…

This was the life.

However, his personal space on the screen was slowly invaded by a certain blond-head. For a brief second she swore it was Ino, but relief came over her as she realized that it was just Naruto.

Sakura cursed herself, for being so involved in the rivalry that she would suspect any human being that has blond hair and is close to Sasuke to be Ino herself.

She sighed with a comforted feeling sweeping over her, again.

But that lasted no longer.

Naruto inched in and his lips brushed a place where it shouldn't have.

Oh yeah, it was a timid one.

…Sakura fainted with a thud.

-

45 minutes ago

-

"What shit!" Naruto swore, as he always did, and gave Kakashi the daring eye.

"Naruto. If you continue to act before thinking you will end up in situations that will kill you! Sasuke is much more capable of controlling himself than you are, and must learn from him!" Kakashi was frustrated, trying to get his ideas across to this nutweed.

"What kinda retard thinks about safety hazards and wastes precious time in battles where that kinda crap isn't even important!"

Sasuke stood in his calm bishounen pose as he listened to their argument. He found the outdoor scenery much more fascinating than the conversation itself.

What Sasuke hears :

"blah blah blah…more blahs…blah blah…KISS SASUKE!"

Sasuke jerked back into reality and was knocked out by wind for several seconds.

"WHAT!" Sasuke and Naruto harmonized.

"I SAID…" Kakashi coughed and repeated. "If you are so sure, then prove to me that you are better than Sasuke by-"

"RASENGAN!" Naruto beamed and began swirling the chakra in his hand.

"No, I was going to ask you to run into that brick wall over there." Kakashi guided his eyes to the direction of a structure nearby. "If you don't survive, meaning you fainted or got knocked out, you will kiss Sasuke for me."

"WHAT THE SHIT!" All swirling chakra in his hand stopped. Naruto just gawked.

Sasuke felt something was wrong and started second-guessing himself. '_Why is Kakashi acting like this today? Why a kiss? Did he drink too much sake this morning or something of the like?'_

Kakashi continued. "And if you run into it and you do in fact, SURVIVE, then that will still prove to me that you're stronger than Sasuke in-"

"BULLSHIT." Naruto swore. "Of course!"

"…stupidity." Kakashi finished off his sentence, acting as if Naruto never interrupted him in the first place.

Full of aspirations he totally ignored Kakashi's words. "I'LL CRUMBLE DOWN THIS WEAK LEGO CRAP!"

"…That's my house." Kakashi corrected him.

Naruto didn't give. "HERE I GO!" Naruto ran faster and faster and built up speed…

"NO DON'T!" Sasuke knew that there was no way of saving himself now…

And in that very second he warned Naruto, there was a "thud" and Sasuke thought that he saw a body crumble to pieces beside the brick wall, with eyes crossed-out…

Sasuke was right.

If Naruto wasn't stupid, he wouldn't be Naruto.

Kakashi sighed. "Dumbass. He acted without thinking again."

Sasuke asked. "Ahh, so you reinforced the building with another ninja spell, so that Naruto will have no way of damaging it, right?"

Kakashi smiled, understanding his Sharigan-using student better than anyone else. The young man was very bright. "Correct. Had Naruto thought that I would've let him off..."

But deep inside, Kakashi expected Naruto to be a dumbass and fall for the deal. He wanted it to happen. It was also a good thing, because he would get to watch Naruto humiliate himself more than ever before.

Oh yeah, and Sasuke…but that's another story.

"Ugh…" Sasuke thought about the deal and looked away, trying hard not to imagine it.

-

They waited for quite a while until Naruto woke up again. Sasuke remained standing and watched him from afar.

"As I said before, if you don't survive, you will have to kiss Sasuke for me." Kakashi reminded.

They barfed.

It was unfortunate for Naruto, because those were the first words he had to wake up to.

"I SURVIVED IN SPIRIT!" Naruto argued, desperately clinging to the last bit of hope left inside of him.

"That's nice." Kakashi yawned politely, even though the action itself was rude. "Sometime today would be great, Naruto." Kakashi could've felt a grin underneath his façade, but he had to hold it in…

"A ninja doesn't take back his words…" Naruto mumbled under his breath, feeling the irony because he just spoke the words used against him.

After moments of hesitation, such happened.

It lasted so fast that it could've been comparable to the speed of light. The speed they broke apart was just as fast. They began to spit out imaginary saliva and frantically wiped their mouths on any piece of cloth they could find; their sleeves and shirt.

With a blush tainting Sasuke's cheeks, he asked the burning question he had in his mind. "Why did you ask Naruto and I to do that, of all things?"

"Well…" Kakashi chuckled sheepishly. "You see, there was a contest for submitting photos of or relating to love…"

"WE'RE NOT IN LOVE!" Naruto exclaimed. (If only Sakura heard that, but it was unfortunate because she's still knocked-out.) "And how can you even take a photo without a damn camera!"

"The Sharigan." Sasuke answered for him.

"Yes, technology has definitely advanced very much in the last few years." Kakashi grinned with confidence. "Anyways, thanks to you, my chances of winning have soared! Hehehe…" He chuckled, only to himself this time.

Sasuke glared at Kakashi, hoping that the answer held good reason for their scandalous act.

"And what is the reward for winning?"

"…The next volume of Come Come Paradise…FOR FREE!"

Kakashi beamed.

Naruto wanted to strangle his beloved teacher.

Sasuke wished that he just stayed with Orochimaru and never came back to this dreaded world.

-

Sakura remained unconscious behind the bushes.

-

AN : Tell me what you think! Personally, I didn't really find it extremely funny, (maybe because I was the one who wrote it, but I'm not really sure myself) but I hope it amused you at least. Please read and review!

All comments are appreciated.


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